Missing Mama

I miss my mama, the way she used to be. It first hit me, just a twinge, on my birthday. She didn’t get me a present. I think she just forgot. And it wasn’t the present that mattered– I can live without things. But knowing that she forgot hurt me, not because it was me she forgot, but because it meant she was not who she once was. She loves presents and birthdays and holidays. Same thing at Christmas– she was cranky and belligerent on Christmas day and it made me sad. Not just because Christmas Day was awful, but because it’s not who she is. Or was. She always loved Christmas no matter how much or how little we had. She ALWAYS gets me and my brother a box of thin mints, the long box of candy you see at Christmas, not the yucky girls scout cookies. And this year there were none. I looked for some on Christmas eve so I could give them to my brother, but Walmart didn’t have any. 😦